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by Linda Meyer

I can’t see it now, it was here three days ago, but I remember it exactly. I was standing in the shower, warm water surrounding me and I saw it; a milky white tether approximately four inches long hanging innocently from the beams in the ceiling. I don’t have spider webs in my home, no tolerance for them, I want to abolish them from my kingdom, wipe them out of existence. Why, I ask myself, all this passion? Four inches in hundreds of feet of real estate, why the absolute, unequivocal need to remove a tiny creature’s home? Is it my desire or my mother’s imprint? What do spider webs mean to me -- an unkempt house, sign of deterioration, a lack of cleanliness, a lazy housekeeper, interference with the illusion of perfection?


I leave myself no time to admire their beauty, the silk is spun so carefully it catches the light between its threads, a net above the madness, allowing travel and exploration of the heights, a vantage point from which to observe life.


And what about the trust that must exist with each step, the unshakable belief that life is safe and that one will be held by one’s own creation. This is the real beauty that is at the heart of the natural order of things.  It is not someone who can’t live and let live, can’t share her space with all the inhabitants of the world. I did not think about the being, just the signs of its existence and what it said about me.


What if it said nothing about me? What if I am not important except in my own mind? What if my house is not mine, just a place I am lucky to spend time in? What if my inability to think of another being mirrors my obliviousness to the fragile parts of myself that have not been able to live?  If I can thoughtlessly eliminate something that does not fit the picture of how I think my house should look, what have I done with the parts of myself I have judged not fit for public consumption? What life in me has not yet lived, has been relegated to the garbage can of things I would rather not see or get to know?  Integration of the self requires inclusion, it is the first step towards oneness and belonging --- the journey to discover that every living thing and every part of us is entitled to thrive without judgment and be surrounded by love.



Editor’s note:


 Linda Meyer is a student of the self, looking to understand the truth of who we are and how we connect to the world at large. A painter, potter,jewelry maker, poet and mediator, she uses her work to explore what is hidden beneath the surface, to uncover the longings of the heart.




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